Saturday, January 2, 2010

It is the beginning of a new year and a full six months since my last post. At the begnning of each new year I do set some resolutions. It is sad to think that we make these resolutions and within months we have forgotten them and slipped back into our old patterns. Perhaps we set our sights too high.

This year I am going to try and stick to some realistic, achievable goals (at least I think they are achievable).

1. I will participate in the International Knit a Sweater a Month Dodecathalon AKA IntKnSweMoDo. When I think about my stash of yarns and patterns as well as my WIPs, I could probably participate for two years and not exhaust my supplies. Anyway, it is a great motivator to get some things done.

2. I will get my candidate blue belt in jiu jitsu. This is going to take more consistent attendance in class and overcoming my discomfort. I am not quite sure why I want this so much. It seems the opposite of everything I am. Somehow though, when I am through with a class, I am charged and excited.

3. Find the joy in life every day. THis is my personal challenge. Living with a husband who frequently drinks to excess and is not much of a participant in our family or in our marriage is difficult. In order to get through it, my only choice is to focus on the good things and try to limit the impact on my daughter.

Okay, so I throw the last one in there, sort of out of the blue going from light-hearted to deadly serious. The thing is, I'm just trying to figure out how to survive this. It is certainly not the journey I thought I was on.

The last thing I need to figure out how to cope with is how I feel about K. Boy this really came from out of the blue and it took me a long time to realize what was going on. At first I just thought it was a case of hero worship. Then last summer I recognized the feeling. It has been over 20 years since I had felt this feeling. I never wanted to feel this again. It is too insane. Perhaps there is really no figuring to do. There is nothing to do about this, but try to let it fade away over time...yeah, like about 20 years!!

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